Bizarre Tension

It is as though I were being pulled in two directions at once, with either option seemingly denied by money and a mind that refuses to help.

I don't know what to do.

We must all face this, many times over in our lives, I'm sure.  Which is all very well to extrapolate out to the rest of mankind, but that doesn't help me now.

Here I sit, in my sister's kitchen in Bubwith, pissy rain falling outside, no money, in debt, waiting to hear from various publishers about my book, but expecting nothing, so no prospects to get myself moving and onward......an email in my inbox from Agathe in Krakow looking forward to later in the year when we might be together again, with me back there.........finding that I want that too....knowing there is no money to make it happen......opportunities to expand and create further with my music from encouraging emails from friends with studios.....but no money to travel down to the south of England to make that happen..........

Stuck..........and I don't know what to do.

Do nothing.

I've given this wisdom to others when the pressure has been the other way around.  And I suppose, with no other options but frustration, anxiety and fatigue, that is what I will have to do, hoping that wheel of fortune will finally stop spinning and give me a way through.